This week I read: Toxic Parents by Susan Forward.
This book was very upsetting to me. The author, with an exemplary didactic clarity, explains in detail what toxic behavior is as a parent. Because there is not only one way to be toxic, there are many. The most common way is to transfer one's own shortcomings, one's own inabilities, one's own frustrations onto one's children, all under a good dose of guilt. The child, who takes everything he or she is told for granted, the child who will store and internalize everything: tacit or explicit reproaches, fears of parental incompetence, will build himself or herself on a weakened foundation, and this, since early childhood. The consequences and after-effects (I can personally testify to this) are multiple: lack of self-confidence, pathological desire to please (even if it means denying oneself), constant internalized guilt... After having highlighted the catastrophes caused by incestuous abuse and other physical corrections, science is finally discovering the irreversible damage caused by psychological toxicity. No matter how much the old-fashioned, old-fashioned educational methods may displease you. It is indeed necessary to realize how much, during centuries, the young generations were more "trained" than raised, often with means which would be considered today as torture. How can we be surprised then that humanity is completely dysfunctional?